Brushfire Fairytales

I have quite a few pet peeves but there is one that bothers me one hundred times more than any of the others. I HATE being late at other peoples expenses. My mother, as we prepared to go on this vacation meant to de stress everyone, took her sweet damn time. We didn’t even have to leave early that morning, we were to leave at noon, but she couldn’t even accomplish that. I do not see why not. She was up and out of the house by 8 to run errands and back by ten. But she decided to do stupid shit until 11:15 and then decide she had to dye her hair and take a shower and finish packing and pay bills. I cannot stand that shit. Just do what you need to do and stop the bullshit. Then she’s yelling at me for trying to get her out of the house in a timely manner. And after shes done yelling she apologizes for yelling and tells me I’m right. And she’ll try to finish. “And I know that when she said she's gonna try, well it might not work because of other ties.”

I feel like my time is being wasted and unappreciated. I have to be the one to make the itinerary, fix the virus from the home desktop, get directions to all the places we are going, pack me and the toiletries for the family, pay HER bills, and clean the house. But I did it with time to spare. It frustrates me so much. And now I’m stressed and on top of the horrible allergy symptoms that have been plaguing me for the last three days I feel a migraine coming on from her shit. Thanks mom, thanks a lot. I can’t stand you either.

“Just like a tree down by the water baby I shall not move

Even after all the silly things you do

Please please please don't drag me

Please please please don't drag me

Please please please don't drag me down”

Lyrics: Jack Johnson, “Flake”

WORLD CUP!!!

Hey What' s up blog. I'll be writing some short updates because it's WORLD CUP TIME!!! Today it's Bofana Bofana (south Africa) and Uruguay that I'm rooting for. SA is playing Mexico and Uruguay is playing France. I hate France. So go Bofana Bofana and Uruguay!

When I Look to the Sky

These last few days have really been the vacation I needed. I’m currently in Ardsely, NY. It’s only two and a half hours away from home but it’s amazing the world of difference that being down here has done for me. I came to escape my mother for a few days and it’s seems I have found the bits and pieces of me that I had left behind when I left this sleepy town four years ago.

The most important thing by far was that I got the special opportunity to rekindle a relationship that I thought I had lost forever. And it couldn’t have come at a better time. The last few weeks with my mother have really gotten me down, depressed almost. “Whether I am up or down or in or out or just plane overhead instead it just feels like it is impossible to fly.” Growing up he was my best friend, my big brother, my confidante. I don’t think there was a person on this earth who knew me better than he did at our peak. His name is Dan by the way. (I won’t make up a fake name for him just incase he ever reads this.) Dan had moved up to the Albany area, not too far from me, to go to school there but after a few months he went back downstate. We lost communication, not for lack of trying on my part. I felt really hurt and kind of resentful as well. Truthfully, I was mad at him until the moment I noticed he was at the bridal shower of some mutual friends yesterday. You know when people say that there are those people that they just cant stay mad at? He is definitely that person for me. He gave me the biggest hug and the fist thing he asked once we started talking was if I was mad at him. How crazy. I lied and said no at first but he got the truth out eventually.

I shouldn’t say it’s a rekindling of a friendship because we have both changed so much from the people we were two years ago. It’s more like starting all over again. The party I was dreading going to for days was the one thing I needed to pick myself back up off the ground. “But with you I can spread my wings to see me over everything that life may send me when I am hoping it won't pass me by.”

We talked about all of the things that were bothering us and it was such a release. Once again there was someone who understood where I was coming from when no one else seemed to. “And when I feel like there is no one that will ever know me, there you are to show me.”

I met a lot of people that I hadn’t seen in years, and I also found some new faces to add to my small little collection of friends. And it’s only two days into this vacation. I still have three more days left. So I’ll wait and see where the week leads me.

I dedicate this to Dan. Thanks.

(lyrics by Train – When I look to the Sky”

Eye to the Telescope

It’s been awhile. It’s been a busy couple of weeks. I studied my ass off for finals, took the finals, moved out of NYC and up to Albany, visited with friends up here, went to a bridal shower downstate, attended that brides wedding in NJ, picked up my sister from school in Connecticut, and now I’m back in Albany. For a few hours anyway. I’m headed back to NYC to visit some friends and go to yet another bridal shower. On top of all that I’m still looking for a job!

While in Albany I’ve been spending a lot of time with my mom. My mom and I have clashing personalities. I just get so annoyed with her so fast over the stupidest little things. The last few weeks have been hard on her and she’s been taking it out on me. “It isn’t very difficult to see why you are the way you are. It’s doesn’t take a genius to realize that sometimes life is hard.” I know things are tough but passive aggressive behavior doesn’t solve it. It just makes it harder for everyone else. I know that things will get better but right now I just want her to leave me alone. I need a break from my own mother. I figured that by going away for college things would get better, but they haven’t. “And I don’t want to hear you tell yourself that these feelings are in the past. You know it doesn’t mean they are off the shelf because pain is built to last.” Hopefully, one day soon, we’ll both ‘heal over.’

“Come over here lady

Let me wipe your tears away

Come a little nearer baby

Coz you'll heal over

Heal over

Heal over someday”

Lyrics by KT Tunstall – Heal Over

Live Like We're Dying

Who the hell stays up until 10 AM? Jay decided that she was going to get drunk last night. And that’s not that abnormal seeing as she does it every weekend now. But then she came in at 10AM making all the noise in the world. And to make matters worse, she called Pee at 7:30, drunk, talking about how she was at some dudes house in Midtown having breakfast. We were all freaked out that she had gotten raped or was in trouble but when we confronted her about it later she said it was an accident. There is no way that was an accident. She probably doesn’t remember calling. It’s really a damn shame. She used to be such a nice girl. We got to “live like we’re dying” not actually kill ourselves.

Finals are coming up and at first I decided that I would hole myself up and study for the next five days. But I refuse to do that. It’ll just make me depressed. And I need the distractions otherwise after a few hours I waste time. “Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'.” I’ll take all the distractions as they come. It’ll keep me on track. And I work better under pressure anyway.

Survivor

The dude I’ve been ‘hanging out’ with, Doug, got a girlfriend today. I’m kind of bummed, kind of not. He’s cheating on her so I guess he’s really a scum ball, but he’s so damn hot. And I’m not the one he’s cheating on. I don’t think it’ll last very long. This is the guy who liked the facebook group “Exes that made you think you were drunk the whole time.” I do semi feel badly for her. Although she’s already playing the bitchy obsessive girlfriend, so maybe I feel bad for him?

I have officially nine more days of NYU; freshman year. And about five of those days will be spent studying my ass off. It’s crazy to me, that nine days left and I still have drama to deal with. People should be making up or minding their own business, not causing drama. Pee had a show Sunday. Me and Veen went, but Jay decided she had other things to do. Keep in mind this is the chick who wants to BE Pee. Jay told P that she had to study. But she was sleeping when I left. So instead of supporting her roommate and the person she wants to pretend to be best friends with, she slept. Great. “I ain't never met a girl that does the things that you do. Change don't come your way it will come back to you.”

I went to this damn show and me and Pee are notorious on our floor for having our disagreements. But I know how it feels look into the crowd and not see someone who you know, someone who supports you. Jay is a bitch. Plain and simple. So now there is the silent treatment in the dorm. And honestly, I don’t really mind. If they aren’t talking, they aren’t talking about me.

Jay also decided to do laundry at 11 PM. It takes 2 hours to do it, minimum. Is it just me, or is that incredibly inconsiderate? Who says I want to stay up? I don’t I was up till 3AM with Doug last night and had to wake up at 6AM. I’ve been up for 17 hours with three hours of sleep. I don’t want to have to wake up every half hour to you doing laundry, with my detergent, and 1 AM. I want to go to bed. Honestly, I’d like to be in bed right now. But I have to deal with inconsiderate roommates. What happened to doing laundry at a normal hour? Jay, “For women like me who try to have some integrity, you make it hard. For girls like myself who respect themselves and have dignity.” Guess some people aren't the sweet girls you thought they were.

Lyrics courtesy of Destiny's Child, Nasty Girl

Botanical Gardens

Just some pics I took: