Some Mad Hope

“I wanna feel a car crash

'Cause I'm dyin' on the inside.”

This semester has been...long. I don’t really know any other way I could put it. I took a bunch of classes I didn’t really want to, probably failed one of them, and had multiple emotional crisis’. It’s exhausted me. I’m so tired, in every sense of the word. I just feel like I need to sleep for like, 7 days. Maybe all will be alright then.

"Tell me this is paradise, and not some place I fell.

Cause I keep on falling down."

I feel like I’m losing bits of myself. I love NYU, but I don’t feel as energized as I used to feel about school in high school. I think it’s because I hate my classes this semester, but we’ll see what happens next semester. If it’s the same I’ll take it from there.

“Push me 'til I have to fly

I've shed my skin, my scars

Take me deep out past the lights

Where nothing dims these stars”

I’ve made a lot of mistakes this semester and in a way I feel like I really grew up. I learned a lot in the last 4 months. About me, what I believe in, who I am on my own two feet, my limits. It’s been an interesting journey that was a long time coming. I had to fly by myself this semester. And honestly, I think I did alright. I would change so much, but I wouldn’t be able to say now that I’ve changed it I did.

“I wanna let go and know

That I'll be alright, alright."

SO see you next semester blog! Hopefully I will actually use you more often. It’s so therapeutic.

lyrics from Car Crash, Matt Nathanson