On and On

So it’s been a while since the last time I blogged. I find that there is so little time to do anything I want to do this year. It’s all work, class, homework, study. It’s kind of crazy.

I heard this story today about this kid at Rutgers who killed himself because some other kids released a video of his sexual exploits. We were talking about it in class today. One kid blamed the internet. It reminded me of Cookie Jar by Jack Johnson.

“"You can't blame me", says the singer of the song

Or the maker of the movie which he based his life on.

"It's only entertainment and as anyone can see

The smoke machines and makeup and you cant fool me"”

You can’t blame the internet. Being able to access the video was not was pushed the boy to suicide. So if not the internet was it the kid who originally recorded it?

“Well "You can't blame me", says the media man

Well "I wasn't the one who came up with the plan.

I just point my camera at what the people want to see.

Man it's a two way mirror and you cant blame me."”

Yeah that asshole shouldn’t have recorded it but is it really all his fault? Would you have killed yourself if a sex tape popped up? Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian certainly didn’t. So then it’s the kids own fault?

“"It wasn't me", says the boy with the gun.

"Sure I pulled the trigger but it needed to be done

Cause life's been killing me ever since it begun.

You cant blame me cause I'm too young."”

I’m sure he would say it wasn’t his fault; that he was pressured from the outside. FML and all. But if he was stronger, if he had better friends, if circumstances were different, would he be dead?

“It was you it was me it was every man

We've all got the blood on our hands

We only receive what we demand

And if we want hell then hells what well have.”

In reality it’s a lot of little things that caused him to feel suicide was his only option. And every one of them was the same amount at fault as the others. It’s unfortunate and a little sad. But it’s true and it’s our society currently. So what do we do about it?

Songs for you, Truths for me

What happened to my imagination? I was talking to some friends about it earlier. As we got older e seemed to have lost our ability to dream up anything.

We could build a rocket,

fly to the moon

Leave Tuesday morning,

and be back for noon

There wasn't nothing,

nothing that we couldn't do

Once, when I was little

We used to think everything would work out. Then we got older and cynicism sunk in. FML and all of that. What happened to that childhood innocence?

Yeah I could dream more then

Yeah I believed more then

That the world

could only get better

It’s weird. Adults tell us we need to grow up and be responsible. But then on the flipside they remind us how sad t is that our generation has lost our of our innocence. Whose fault is that?

Used to feel so strong

Even when they tell me,

tell me I was wrong

That I can't live

in a magic world

Cause it's time

for me to grow up

That I got to be

like the rest of them

When did I start wishing I was a little kid? I used to want to grow up so I could do everything. Now that I can do everything I wish I was a kid all over again. I want the kids I see walking in the park to take off the make-up and be kids. You’ll want those years back in a short while.

So here comes the next one,

the next in line

Stay as young you can,

for the longest time

Cause those days flew by

Like a breeze

just passing through

Once, when I was little

Nimrod

So, one of the coolest people I know is leaving to go to South Africa tomorrow. He was born there and came to the US for a little while. And now it’s time to go back home. It is absolutely ridiculous how sad it was to leave his going away party knowing I may never see him in person again. We had a sharing circle at the party and EVERYONE was crying. I think the thing that got me most was the he never even realized the little things he did that made everyone love him so much. I’ll really miss him. So I dedicate this post to him, with a song of course.

Another turning point;

a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist;

directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test

and don't ask why.

It's not a question

but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable

but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs

and still frames in your mind.

Hang it on a shelf

In good health and good time.

Tattoos of memories

and dead skin on trial.

For what it's worth,

it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable

but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable

but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable

but in the end it's right.

I hope you had the time of your life.

Covert Affairs

Ok. People you need to look up the Indian guy from Covert Affairs. Sendhil Ramamurthy is his name. I don’t like Indians, physically. But this dude is beautiful. It’s crazy! I watched Covert Affairs yesterday by accident and now I have to watch it to see the only beautiful asian on the planet. There was this one line “He’s like the George Clooney of wherever he is from.” I died. It’s so true. Even if I don’t find George Clooney attractive, the reference is so legit. Apparently he was on Heros, but I didn't watch that show so I wouldn't know.

I just thought I would put that out there for today.

Let It Bleed

“You can't always get what you want.

But if you try, sometimes you might find

You get what you need.”

So the situation with the suitemates isn’t as bad as I thought it might be. They are kind of distant because they know each other really well and I’m the newcomer, but they aren’t mean. We had a night where they invited some of their friends over and we had tacos and I made cookies for them. We each have our sets of friends and we go our separate ways most of the day. The only thing I’m worried about is when my actual roommate moves out. They want one of their friends to move into my room. That would make things a whole lot more awkward. But I’ll deal with that as it comes.

I was worried about this week, what I was going to do with a whole 10 days of no classes. But I realized that it was a good opportunity to meet up with the friends that I haven’t seen since last semester. I haven’t had a lot of meals by myself yet. It’s also been a good time to get all my errands done. I haven’t seen some of the people I wanted to from old times, but it’s all good. I keep things moving anyway. Maybe that’s not what I need.

I think the Rolling Stones song, You Can’t Always Get What You Want, as my motto for the year. What I really want may not be the thing that I really need.